Boys
Always looking
Staring, glaring
Caring?
Funny, charming ones
Chubby, swarming ones
Haha, good one, yeah, nice try!
It’s just you and your hand tonight!
P!nk is SO EFFING COOL.
Beyonce makes me want to drool
And Taylor Swift is just like me!
She gets that boys just don’t see
They’re just so mean!
And a little unclean!
Oh who, me? I’m not interested.
But there is one boy for whom I would spread
Cute, talkative, won’t stare at my chest
Wait, this guy doesn’t like my breasts?
“Down here, buddy!” My V-neck whispers
Maybe now he won’t flinch when I graze him with fingers
Subtle, always subtle, my mother would say
Always be subtle when luring your prey
“Cute, right?” I tell all my friends,
“Oh yeah, for sure!” “Let him get in your pants!”
Eventually, the guy picks up on a hint
His eyes twinkle with an unfamiliar glint
“Hey, Christine,” he says with a smile
“I feel like we haven’t talked in a while”
“I just got Argo on DVD”
“And my television is 3D!”
“So come on over, don’t be shy”
“You know me, I’m a standup guy!”
I say “Yes, Jacob,” with a sultry reply
“I’ll head over right around nine.”
I hop in the Jeep and arrive at the door.
Hopefully he doesn’t think I’m a whore.
“Hi, how are you?” The door opens wide
Motioning for me to come on inside
The couch is set, the popcorn popped
Parents upstairs so we can’t be stopped
A half hour in, a blanket procured
It’s role is clear and in no way obscured
Soon, a hand reaches barely across the way.
Good! I thought, I knew he wasn’t gay!
I know what to do, I reciprocate
I hope he knows I don’t want to wait
Speeding it up, I look in his eyes
I see nothing in them but pure surprise
I lean in, carefully, making the move
My hand’s on his thigh, I’ve got nothing to prove
I feel him lean back, a curious reaction
Does he not feel this imminent attraction?
A hand, so slightly, meets my lips
Goddamn it, I thought, I’m starting to get pissed!
“Sorry, Christine,” he mumbles quite lowly
“But I’d prefer if we take things more slowly!”
“You see, I’m trying to save myself until marriage.”
“We don’t want some sort of unwanted carriage!”
I sigh, sit back, and look at the screen.
Well, I thought, that’s the end of that scene.
Good byes, a hug, from that lame ass pussy
Or did I come off as kind of pushy?
Forget it, I thought, as I started the Wrangler.
Last time I deal with some amateur!
In fact, I’m quits! Screw it, I’m done!
Girls just clearly are way more fun!
On my way home, phone buzzes, a text.
Who could it be, but Johnny, my ex
“Hey baby,” it reads, “I’m sorry I dumped you”
“Wanna come over and let me hump you?”
Whatever, why not? I thought as I made my U-turn
Better than going home and watching some porn
We do it, he cums, that’s the end of that
It’s not like I came over there for us to chat
Home, I drive, thinking things over
I wonder, why did I do all of this sober?
As I lay in my bed, I figure it’s best
Boys are okay, I humbly confess
Maybe I like them, only a little
But I’ll always strive to be noncommittal
It’s my life! I do what I please!
I dump boys swiftly, and with great ease!
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